three mountains stage race!

A week ago I completed something that I had once deemed unthinkable & undoable. But, before I jump into crossing all three finish lines, all three days I have to give a bit of a back story to, hopefully, encompass how much this meant to me & why… and, hopefully, encourage someone else that moving forward when your world is crumbling is totally worth it.

A year ago I was at the beginning of a path that quickly became really dark & scary for Josh & me. I will spare you majority of details because they have great potential to make you really uncomfortable… well, they make me uncomfortable sharing with the World Wide Web. You're maybe going to think I am giving all/too many details. Believe me, this is the very condensed version.

Here’s the nutshell version: I had a surgery to relieve a spasm that was causing uncontrollable bleeding in my rectum, which came from hemorrhoids, which came from birthing my beautiful babies. I was in immense pain & could barely walk. After some procedures to help rule out the cause, I had to have surgery to do an anorectal sphincterotomy, to cut the muscle & stop the spasms & bleeding.  The first surgery was supposed to be simple & relieve that & I was told I would be back to training for the Half Ironman I had signed up for. Days after this Josh was let go from his job which was shocking, somewhat relieving, & scary as we were in the midst of huge medical bills pouring in. Somewhere in all of this I also had biopsies done because they thought this was cancer. So we also had to sit on that for a while waiting for results which was just emotionally jarring & nerve-wracking. 

this is an unfiltered picture of what i looked like majority of last year. isn't it amazing what instagram filters & facebook can do to make you believe someone's life is a cakewalk? this is the picture we didn't share. this is the behind the scenes that felt too raw & too hard to share at the time.

Weeks later I wasn’t healing & ended up in the ER after unstoppable bleeding began again. The surgeon misdiagnosed this & days later I was having a second surgery due to his mistake. Recovering from surgery, each time, was ugly. I am extremely sensitive to anesthesia  & puked a lot for several hours afterwards. It was incredibly painful & also painful to lay in a bed, barely able to move without pain, & not be who I love being- a mom, wife, friend, runner, cook, etc. I was forced to just lay & try not to throw up.

We found some type of normal in the midst of healing after this surgery, although I was still in constant pain & was assured that it was normal. Turns out it wasn’t. By God’s grace a friend directed us to doctor she grew up nannying for who specializes in this up in Birmingham, Alabama. I got to talk to him on the phone & share with him what all had happened. He said I needed to come see him the next day & prepare for another surgery later that week. 

 Saigey & me in Colorado.
"some type of normal" meant we got to do a three week trip to Colorado, New Mexico, & Texas which was the best three weeks of the entire year. :)  

So, a third surgery was scheduled, happened, & ended up finally clearing up what the other surgeon couldn’t seem to manage. The Birmingham doctor told me to prepare to wake up with a colostomy bag because he was sure what he would find was a lot of internal damage & deteriorated muscles.  The night before surgery I googled how people live active lives with colostomy bags. I couldn’t believe this was unfolding the way it was & felt incredibly helpless & angry. My husband was amazing, along with both of our parents. I cannot imagine being in his shoes through all of this... and while looking for work & taking care of two kiddos. We felt really alone, to be quite honest. Which pulled us closer together in a new, beautiful way & also showed us how important it is to show up for people. Just. Show. Up. 

Josh & I the day before the third surgery in Birmingham. 

I woke up from the third surgery, by God’s grace, without a colostomy bag!!! Truly, a miracle. This doctor was super on top of my recovery & we saw him weekly for several months. He was incredibly kind & caring & sensitive. It brings me tears just thinking about how all of that played out & so deeply thankful for a God who brings peace through good surgeons. (I actually go his Tuesday for my first appointment back this year. There’s a chance I will have to have a fourth surgery to conclude all of this, but I’m surely hoping that’s not the case!!)

August of 2016 was the last surgery. Anesthesia stays in your system for six weeks post surgery, & when you have three back to back like I did it lingers & affects your body. After the second surgery I lost around 15 pounds, then gained that & then some after the third surgery. The recovery felt like that after giving birth. I didn’t recognize myself at all. Physically or mentally. Suicidal thoughts lingered longer than I would like to admit. It was a really dark & really lonely place to be. At one point I lined up all the pain pills I had collected & was planning to swallow them all & go to sleep, with the goal of not waking up. I prayed for the Lord to make Himself known & help me. In that exact moment a text popped up from a friend asking point blank if I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. Her texting, God moving, saved my life that day. I hated it all so much & felt like such a burden to my family. A lot of healing unraveled the following weeks & I truly cannot imagine walking this life without the hope of Christ. 

By the end of September I was released to start working out again! Some friends & I held each other accountable via text to doing daily workouts & this helped build a foundation I knew I would have to have before running again.

working out again! wahoooooo!

 I got to slowly start really running again, with no pain, by January this year. In March a friend told me she was going to do the Chattanooga Three Mountains Stage Race & I jumped on board. However, after looking at the courses & really thinking about it I backed down because it just seemed like too much for me to make happen in such a short time, especially having never run more than a half marathon on road!

Fast forward a few weeks & I mentioned the idea to one of my favorite friends & running partners, Kris, who excitedly assured me I could & should do this race. This woman is a master-ultra-trail-running-record-holding-goddess-of-running-warrior-lady. But, she will never tell you that & will just shake her head “no” & smile upon reading this. She’s completed countless ultra races & is a big reason races like this happen in Chattanooga. She made me believe I could do this race. When you think of a completely out there dream & someone says they believe you can, it’s like putting gas in a car to go. I’m beyond thankful for her energetic & confident belief. J

Kris & me at the finish of day two!

With the race six weeks away I made up a training plan that Kris reviewed & helped me with. Part of me was super excited about the race & part of me was just waiting for something to go wrong & derail me from it happening. One of the biggest pieces of advice that Kris gave me was how mental longer distances in the woods are. Sure, make sure you are making the miles & elevation happen, but count your worst training runs as your best because that’s when you get to KNOW that, mentally, you CAN do this.

I spent a lot of time alone in the woods for long periods of time, which was 100% outside my comfort zone. There were a couple of times I opted for the river walk because I just didn’t want to be in the woods alone.

I will say, every single training run I finished, especially the hard ones, ended in tears of gratitude. I couldn’t believe I was actually GETTING TO do this. Last year, training for the half ironman, I never imagined I would spend most of the year lying in bed, bleeding, pulling gauze out of unimaginable places, & doped up on pain meds. You never know when life will take a rough turn… so it truly is one mile, one run, one day at a time & the sooner you realize that, the more thankful for it all you become. 

I was/am deeply grateful for EVERY single mile of training & racing these past eight weeks. Every single one is a gift I didn’t deserve but worked really hard for & am SO humbled to have under my belt.

So, last week I completed something that symbolized a lot to me. Crossing all three finish lines meant I am healthy & able to do hard things. Running 60 miles in the span of three days on arduous trails on gorgeous mountain tops & valleys meant I was well prepared & had INCREDIBLE support during the weeks training & at every single aid station.

kiddos & me before day one!

Day one was 18 miles on my favorite mountaintop in Chattanooga- Raccoon Mountain. Kris super encouraged me to not give my all this day, as I had two more days in front of me… to run confidently & be mindful that I would still have 42 miles left. I have a bad habit of starting out way too fast & crashing. Being competitive is part of my genetic make up & I can’t help but get this adrenaline rush & desire to just go! But, my goal for this race was to finish all 60 miles, so I knew I had to be smart with my pace.

I believe this is at mile 11ish aid station

I found a pack of guys who were running, talking, & not running like they stole something kind of pace. Raccoon Mountain is mostly flat, not super technical, a TON of fun, & GORGEOUS. I love the trails. I finished 15^th female that day, with no aches or pains & in good spirits. Seeing my family at aid stations was super encouraging. Josh sacrificed a lot of early mornings & evenings for me to train for this, meaning this race wasn’t just about me but about us as a family prioritizing something important to me/us- & that means more than I can rightfully articulate. There's a theme here, huh? My husband constantly lays down his life for me & I am super honored by his endless support & love of me. 

celebrating with THE Natalie Sims, who you'll read about next. ;) 

Day two was 22 miles on Lookout Mountain, in the ever so beautiful Lula Lake Land Trust. This course was a lot harder, with several large climbs. On day one I noticed a couple of females who I knew I wanted to be up there with & challenge myself by running with. I was able to do that & paired up with a marvelous runner named Juanita, & spent several miles with Natalie Sims (who I have had a woman-running-crush on for a couple of years now, so I was a little starry-eyed running alongside her! She's another super humble & super talented athlete, like Kris.). We honestly didn’t exchange many words, but bonded through running mile after mile together. The last 5ish miles were mentally the hardest. We climbed down, not ran…climbed, to the base of an iconic waterfall & then climbed, not ran, right back up. Somewhere in there my foot jammed to the front of my shoe, for the 500^th time, & I swear it felt like needles being shoved under my toenails. I thought for sure my toenails had come off. I had to walk quite a bit of the last two miles because if I pushed up against the front of my shoe the pain was unbearable. I got to a river crossing of freezing water which was heavenly for numbing my throbbing toes! (The toenails hadn't fallen off, but blisters UNDER the toenails had formed.... and my golly, those babies were painful.) 

 After the river crossing the finish line was about 800 glorious yards away. I finished 8^th female that day & ate a lot of delicious Mexican food in a folding up camping chair that felt like La-z-Boy's best new creation. 

The aid stations, again this day, were incredibly helpful & loving. They make you feel like you are the most important person on earth as the shove ice down your shirt, refill water bottles, put Band-Aids on chaffing spots, & celebrate all you’ve done. 

Day two was enthralling. I had never run that far in my life! And, two of my very sweet friends showed up at the mile 15 aid station which instantly brought me to tears. I think support is a love language of mine… but, isn’t is everyone’s?!

Day three was 20 miles on Signal Mountain. This day had a dark cloud around it every time I began trying to envision myself running & finishing this race. I have run two races on this mountain since we moved here & both didn’t go very well for me. This day was the hardest of the three with very technical terrain, brutal climbs, & running 20 miles after having just put 42 on your legs. 

The first 7 miles were hell on trail. I was dry heaving & mentally crashing. The Natalie Sims came running by with a nugget of gold advice which rewired my brain & pushed me out of my rut-  “just keep moving & get comfortable.” 

I started focusing on what was going right—my arms felt good, my hands were functioning, my calves felt fine, my eyes were working, etc. Just little things. I also just kept reminding myself that Josh would be waiting for me at mile 11 to finish up the day with me. I kept looking down at my watch… 8.3 miles, 8.6 miles, 9.2 miles…. it was tortuous. Around mile 10 I finally fell into a groove & felt good! Wahoo! Getting to Josh was a huge climb where I was literally on hands & knees at some points. Seeing him was so exciting! It was Father’s Day & I figured since we had started this race together, six weeks ago, we should finish together. Our dating days were spent running & climbing & cycling, so this is a very fond & familiar place for us to be together. It was really special to get to… especially after the crapstorm that was 2016, it meant a lot  be finishing together.

I crossed the finish line that day as 8^th overall female, which I believe puts me at 7^th female over the whole span of three days (those results are still not posted, and theres a chance I did the math wrong… but I’m 98% sure I am top ten female. J ).

We ate delicious burgers, got a massage from my amazingly talented & super loving from Christian, celebrated, cried a little, & fellowshipped with all the other racers & families that had been on this three day journey!

I think everyone should do a three day race. Here are eight reasons why:

1.)  It was so neat to train for something & have three days to execute, opposed to just one.

2.)  You really get to bond with other runners.

3.)  If you mess up one day on something like nutrition or gear you get to fix it the next day!

4.)  The views. Seeing 60 miles of gorgeous trails in one weekend is priceless.

5.)  The love you feel at aid stations & the finish line is extraordinary.

6.)  This race in particular had a meet up every evening at the Crash Pad & that was super fun to hang & debrief the run with others.

7.)  It’s challenging in the best of ways. To wake up three days in a row, setting out to do something hard is just good for the soul & body.

8.)  Because, you can. Believe me… you really can. 

This was one of the most fun things I have ever accomplished. I am so thankful for all the volunteering that happened behind the scenes to make this happen. Three different races back to back is a ton of work! Randy Whorton & team executed this flawlessly. My applause for all you guys did is endless, echoing into eternity! 

In conclusion, I am pleased that I got to finish something I was thought was totally out of range for me... that's powerful!  This isn’t me tooting my own horn or boasting, a year ago I could barely walk, remember? This is me sharing my journey of the Lord allowing some really hard things to happen & some really great things to happen. I’m humbled & honored by both.

I hope that when you read this you don't hear a voice of pride... but hear the voice of someone who was deeply hurting & wounded by a slew of things & overcame them through a heaping amount of mercy, grace, grit, support, determination, hard work, & Jesus. I hope you read this & feel deeply inspired to set a goal that feels utterly undoable- be it a 5k or an overnight solo camping trip, a career change or moving to a new state. I hope you read this & hear the heart of a person who is incredibly grateful for her husband, family, & support system that have rallied around & didn't allow sinking to happen. I hope that if you read this & can relate to the dark places that you reach out & get help... you're not alone & you're worthy of living the life before you. 

Whoever you are, you're so loved. You're so worth taking risks, making mistakes, & doing hard things. And. You really should do a stage race. :)