Our Adoption Process; Phase Two:

My heart is so fueled right now.  My spirit is so anxious.  My mind is a tad overwhelmed.  My prayers are huge, redundant, & eager.  

Let me begin with my adoption story.  I'll make it short, because really... I just want to share with you the journey we are beginning on!!!

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:14-16.

I am an adopted daughter of THE One who created stars. taste buds. ginormous trees. paints sunrises.... No need to go on with this list, those alone are amazing enough.  That artist, creator, inventor, designer, genius scientist, ultimate physician, & miracle doer is MY Father. He adopted me. Chose me. Even knowing my ugliness, my shortcomings, failures, rebellion, & just covered in filth... He scooped me up, with the most gentle of hands & words, & with the most sincere love saying, "You, Kellye. You are worthy of My love. You are deserving of healing. I will listen to you, hold you, give you peace, pour out my unconditional love, & I will reveal myself to you. I will woe you. You are worthy. Here is my Grace. Take it. Be consumed by it. Know, child, that there is nothing you can do that will ever take away my love for YOU." It'd be foolish to not excitedly melt into those arms.  

So, here I am today... in those arms of my Father, being ignited to do what HE did for me, for others. 

But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.

Galatians 4:4-6

(((That little tidbit up there, my adoption story, really does SO little justice to the beauty of that story. I was so incredibly broken. So lost, hurting, & numb. Because of Him adopting me... I am filled with emotions (sometimes over the top, I know), broken for the broken hearted, filled with peace, & just fueled by the Gospel. Which, if we all were.... our world would be gold. Even the atheist, agnostic, Wiccan, & Muslim could agree that if we loved as Jesus loved, our world would not be full of the things it is OVERFLOWING with. Wake up, world. Wake up.)))

Before Josh & I got married we dreamed together of what we both wanted for a family.  This conversation was one I walked away from thinking, "I could seriously marry that man."  We both want a large family. Lots of kids.  Racially diverse. & just have one big mixing pot of a home! 

Josh has a fire for the Gospel in his soul, deep in his heart like nobody I have ever encountered.  

Our desire & dreams to adopt are not out of some, "oh, let's do good" mindset. 
The Gospel compels us to.  We are told to.  It is not something that was merely "put on our heart"!  As Christians, we all have a role in this:

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:17.

If every Christian family adopted one child here in America, our orphanages & foster systems would look drastically different. Heck, if every person who claimed to follow Jesus adopted... we wouldn't have orphanages. 

Admittedly, this is me judging those who aren't open to the idea of adopting. I can be pretty harsh. (don't be mad. keep reading.)  ...... A big thanks to Charlsie, a friend who has recently gone through the adoption process & is mentoring my heart through this, for opening my eyes to the different roles we all can play, & should play in it.  (Yep. I said mentoring, hope you don't mind the official title I just gave you.) 

Through a lengthy & heart filled conversation she boldly said to me, "We all have a role. Some people it is to adopt, some to foster, & some to support those doing those things through prayer, support, encouragement, & monetary support." (that's a paraphrase. it was something like that.)

SO, tonight was Phase Two. (Phase One was the dream of adopting.) We went to an informational meeting at an adoption organization here in town, which presented details of the domestic and international adoption processes. With us was a married couple who have become our sweet, Gospel loving friends here in Chattanooga. (Ben & Tina, parents to two 2.5 year old twin boys.)  ((we are SO blessed by friends that are like-minded!!! so blessed!))

Here's what I wrapped up very carefully in my little, informational to-go box: 

-- Adoption is costly, but doable. And, there are grants for it! And some unnamed man who, if you cannot gather funds, they will call & he will write a check.  Mystery Man, you are a saint.

-- This particular agency does mostly newborn, domestic adoptions.

--International adoptions are A LOT more pricey, & the time frame is lengthier, & even more unpredictable.

-- The process really is a lot like pregnancy: it's long, overwhelming at times, it's really not much like you thought it would be, you will never truly understand the emotional toll it takes until you are knee deep in it, & you will need the support of a community/family to get through it...and to to do it well.

--It is desperately needed. Desperately.

-- We can do this.

-- I still have a lot of questions.

--There are stories of adoption being sealed within 6 months of beginning, & others can take up to 6 years!

Looks like our next step is to pay a fee, & begin an application process! I will go into more details about the logistical side in a later post. 

So....I just wanted to share with you, world, a new journey we are beginning! 

As I sit & pick the brains & hearts of friends around me who have been down this path, I want to open up to anyone interested our journey.  From the dreaming phase, to the day, God willing, we are holding a new baby in our arms...gently whispering, "You are safe. Loved. Worthy. & will have our unconditional love, always. Welcome to the family." 

Here we go!  

running shoes & selflessness

It is 7:55 am, & our house is quiet... except for the humming of the computer, my hands hitting keys, & the occasional car that goes by. Other than that, this house is silenced. I'm sure when we have a house full of kiddos, I will treasure these mornings of a still house.  But, this morning I am eagerly awaiting my two favorites to wake up! I love the sweetness of getting Asher out of his crib in the morning.  His sweet tired eyes, messy hair, pajamas all twisted, full diaper, & biggest grin... LOVE this moment every single day.  I love listening to Josh's morning routine, as it always the same.  Our mornings during the weekdays are usually rushed, so weekend days I truly appreciate the slowness of the mornings. (insert Jack Johnson song here about banana pancakes)

                                      (I really want to add pictures to my blogs because I know it makes them more interesting. Um. This is an old photo. BUT. A photo of what our runs as a family look like! Pushing around a big ole stroller, holding the happiest boy you ever did meet!)

During the week, Josh will usually try to be out the door for a run, so he can be back to hand me the baton, & I can be on my run & back all before Asher is awake!  Relay style.  At first, I really did miss our family runs... but, there is a freeness in running that I have always found fuel in.  It has been about 18 months since I have been consistently running... running to the point of actually not stopping, & doing more than just a few hard, slow, achey, not fun miles. Before we moved to Chattanooga I had begun running again, & then the move & adjusting here put me back at square one.

SO, finally I am back in a pair of shoes I know all too well.  We are reacquainted & becoming great friends again!  When you become a Mom, you... well, you become a Mom.  Your job never stops.  You never clock out.  I guess vacations & get away weekends happen.  But even then, it's like everything in the universe must align... So, those are far & few between.  You are never guaranteed a late morning or early night.  Even your day is kinda up in the air depending on how naps go (or don't go).  If your kiddo wakes up sick, then your whole day of plans are shot as you GET TO stay home & cuddle a sick baby.  Asher's sleeping time becomes laundry, dishes, cooking, & cleaning time.  Not that I always take that unpredictable time to do those things... but, majority of the time, to keep my own sanity, I do.

Hear me, this is no complaint.  It is just the reality. (&, I love it. I love being Mama. I truly cherish every sleepy morning of scooping him out of his bed.  I love watching him grow & learn.  I think he is the most lovely treasure I have ever held.)
So. My runs.  My 40-60 minutes of tapping into a part of me that wasn't lost in becoming a Mother.  (You do lose some of yourself.  You give it up. With open hands. Because, raising them & loving them does become more important than your own "need." Really, you just learn the difference between "needs" & "wants." Perhaps this should really be labelled as sanctification, maturity, or selflessness.  Or all three.  I think once you get a grasp on how to become a Mama, you grab things/hobbies that you once held dear, & reshape them to fit into your world again. And, it will look way different than it did pre-baby days.  The maturity comes in being okay with that.  Being joyful in that.)  Um... Also note: I am only 11 months into this whole Mom thing, & the role has changed drastically as Asher changes.  So I know "grasping to become Mama" really is a lifelong endeavor.  


This is the phase I am in.  Learning what it is to be completely selfless. (hard. hard. hard. hard. this is SO hard.)   In all things-- Momhood, marriage, friendships, relationships...  To die to my own needs, trusting that God will provide them, & give. give. give. give. Give of myself, my time, convenience, possessions, listening ears, forgiveness, trust, & grace.... when I am too tired, when the night was restless, when Asher is fussy, when I would rather have alone time, & when I feel like completely detaching. GIVE. With no thoughts of what I will be given in return. 

That last one: grace.  To realize everyone is imperfect, & show them favor. honor. mercy. compassion in spite of their ugliness.  To know grace is to learn that others will hurt my feelings, deeply.  That I will get left off of an invite list, or unfriended on Facebook, or even be the receiver of a dirty look from a stranger.  To have those things happen & still LOVE that person, & throw honor in their face!
If I can have an overflowing heart of grace, I can not only move past the hurt of these things, but love these people more.  And, forgive them without their apologies.
     Grace is something I feel like my husband has perfected.  He has expectations for people, but even when they are not met, he moves on & will usually sum it up something like this, "You may ever know why they chose to do it that way. But, as Paul said, "I have learned the secret, to be content in all things, whether in plenty or in want." " BOOM.  I usually sum it with some type of word vomit about how thoughtless that individual was being. And how I would never treat him/her like that, or even their dog for that matter.  Buuuuut, chances are... I have. And I probably will again. And, I beg for your grace.  Your mercy.

So, here's to this new, intense, challenging, sculpting, & hopefully God-centered phase of learning to be selfless!  A selfless wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, & stranger.

 I really do love people.  God help me to love like you do, with eyes that see hearts.  God help me to walk in grace, as I daily get to walk in the mercy of what Your Son did.  Help me to wake up & put my desires last, trusting you will exceed them, as I place my family & friends first.  Help me to not walk past the hungry, but to see they are starved for more than just food- a smile, a wave, a simple "hello!".  Help me God to be your hands. your feet.  moving this world. Making your kingdom come, & your will be done.  

I am desperate for You. 


& now, friends, my sons giggle over the monitor is summoning me to scoop him up.  & my husband is also awake!  another day in paradise.