oh, do be careful little mouths what you say.

  Being called out is never easy.  And, if you have never been confronted by someone the chances are you do not have very honest, courageous friends.  Because, you are not perfect & you have hurt someone.  That's just the truth.

I feel so blessed to be diving into friendships that are already marked by honesty.

  Josh & I recently had dinner with some friends & the spotlight narrowed on me as I was called out for having a tone that can be harsh & judgmental.  This broke my heart.  The topic of which my harshness was coming out was things I am passionate about...  And, my passion came off as intense, but not in an inviting, jump in, & join me kind of way.  And, when your passions are prayer, adoption, serving the widows, & The Gospel you don't want to turn people away because your intensity is harsh.

I was so grateful for their honesty.  Of course it's hard to hear because who wants to be that person? 

  This wasn't the first time I have been encouraged to watch my words.  I grew up with a very quick mouth when it came to mine & my Mother's relationship.  She used to say, "You talk to strangers nicer than you speak to me!"  I would disregard her with thoughts about how all my friends did not get along with their Moms so it was natural.  Deep down, my heart would break just as it did around the dinner table last week.  Even now I have to remember that God's grace is poured over my past; because, I still hate how I spoke to the woman who grew me, labored for me, held me for countless hours, & loved me with such a fierce tenderness, the way Mamas do.

"Death & life are in the power of the tongue & those who love it will eat its fruits." 

Proverbs 18:21

  It's true.  We hold the power, the privilege, to speak life over someone or death.  To give them fuel for their heart, or toxins making it weak. We can be a breath of fresh air or choke them.  I have no doubt, reader, that you have experienced both.  You know the sting of hurtful words as well as the splendor of sweet words.  

I have a lovely friend who works full time, volunteers many hours to our church, is studying for CPA exams, & is a single mother to a quick witted 6 year old girl who once convinced my husband she was 10.  This friend juggles a lot, & by the grace of God does it very well.  She has come into my life with a fire, passion, voice, & intensity that I am SO grateful for.  As you can imagine, when someone holds all those attributes, she is the type to tell you exactly what they are thinking.  She shares openly & I am beyond blessed by this friendship marked, again, by raw honesty.

Late the other night, she shared how hard it is for her to hear married women complain about their husbands.  Being a single Mom, wearing many different hats, she often brings a new perspective to my world 

I know I am guilty of complaining about Josh, things he does or doesn't do.  I get agitated as he does the dishes a way I would not, or doesn't compliment me in just the right way about the outfit I spent so long picking out to look good for him.

Now then, I know that sometimes, especially as women, we feel the need to get things off our chest, to verbalize, word vomit, or vent about life.  And, as soon as that word vomit is done, we are healed from the weight of that agitation.  Or so we think. 

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29

“.... that it may give grace to those who hear."   If I truly lived by this verse, & held close the truth that my words can be poison, then the complaints about my husband, even if they are trivial and seemingly harmless, would cease.

As my dear friend shared the other night how hard it is for her to hear married women complain, my first thoughts were of defense. I know what it's like to be married, to mesh my life with another sinful human, & that perfect harmony is sometimes short-lived, hard to attain, & other times just completely out of reach. 

As she continued sharing, I prayed for God to give me ears to hear Him speak through her openness...  My heart softened.  This was another one of those heart breaking, wanting to disappear from the dinner table, kind of moments. 

Because, even as we are venting about something as small as how he does the dishes "wrong" or took too long of a shower, we are missing the blessing that we have a "he" to speak of.  We are missing the opportunity to speak life in a decaying world.  We are missing a chance to come on bended knees before Jesus, sharing with Him the ugliness in our own heart that was disturbed by something as petty as dishes.   We are missing a chance to be gracious with our husbands, & life giving to the ears listening.  I cannot imagine what Jesus, the One who knows my every thought, would vent about me if He were small enough to.... I am so grateful He does not.

[Note: there are certain situations that do need to be shared. if your husband is abusing you, bravely share. there is a difference in sharing a struggle of spousal abuse and complaining about dishes.] 

 

"But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth." Colossians 3:8

  I am grateful for these friendships; for honesty audaciously marching in my quick-mouthed, intense-talking, and fiery little self & bringing Jesus in so tenderly. 

"May my steps be worship, May my thoughts be praise, May my words bring honor to Your Name."

So. Forgive me, please, if my words have brought toxins to your heart of hearts, if my invitations made you feel guilty, or if you heard me complain about the man of my dreams whom I am SO blessed by.

May we all share words that share Jesus.  Share words of light, as this world is already overflowing with intense darkness.  May your words inspire, praise God, & be honey on your lips.  May we all realize that we carry the power to hurt a human-beating-heart by our words, along with the privilege to heal it by our words.  

Speak softly & live loudly today.