Every time I begin a blog, I feel the need to tell you what is going on in my house... so that it's like you are really sitting here with me & I am sharing my heart!
So. The dishwasher is humming a lovely tune, my sink is sparkling, a new candle smell floats around, the sun is peaking in the front windows, meaning it is almost noon, & my little guy is down for a nap-- booty up, face down, fast asleep. The house is far from "clean" & "picked up" but, that can be done later....ish... not now.
Welcome! Put up your feet. Grab some... er... there isn't any coffee this morning. Pour yourself a glass of OJ, & dilute it with water so it will last longer.
A couple of weeks ago I shared our heart for adoption. I labelled that as our "Phase Two", where we actually went to a formal meeting to hear how one particular ministry is doing things. There are so many different paths to choose-- domestic, international, newborn, foster care, christian organization, or state run, etc... This "phase two" is a weighty one as there are countless ways to go! Praise the Lord for that.
Josh & I are still establishing US. We are just getting our feet back under us from a year of chaos, character defining chaos. But, we itch. We yearn. We strive for more. We truly want to live this life as Jesus did. We really love the orphans. Our hearts break for them, & I want them all in my home TONIGHT. I want to hug them, read them stories, rub their little feet, get up in the middle of the night & let them know their cry is heard!
As we are establishing our family here in Chattanooga, there are some other big decisions we need to make as a family. Like, where do we move to when this lease is up? Do we want to buy a home? What size of a home? Should we get a cheap apartment & save up for a larger downpayment?
Is it irresponsible to bring another kid into the mix when we don't have it all figured out? Should we have a home purchased before we go through home studies? If we dove in right now, we would have a home study done on this house & then later on a new house... is that financially wise, as those cost real dollars?
As we continue through Phase Two, we realize Phase Two has a lot of questions.
Is there wisdom in being cautious, or is there beauty in leaping forward, full of faith, trusting God will connect the dots we are feeling a tad hesitant to. I think both hold big truths.
I will say this. If student loans were not ridiculously absurd, we would pull the trigger. Yesterday. It is just a tad nerve-wracking to put another little soul into a "mess" we are cleaning up. Last year's craziness threw a lot of order into complete disorder.
I do believe this, that God knows the name, face, handprint, eye color, & story of some child-- born or unborn that we will, by His grace, welcome into our arms as family. It does not have to happen tomorrow. And, it won't happen tomorrow.
Sometimes I am hard on myself for the ball to not have rolled further along, as my heart really does ache for this... but, we are merely at the year & a half mark of marriage, with a 13 month old, & eight months living in a new state. It's okay for this to go a little slower.... Perhaps the ball not rolling, is God holding us when He knows we need stability, & a slower moving river.
So, if you will... pray. Pray for discernment. Pray for wisdom. Pray for things to fall in place. Pray for finances to be last on our list of worries. Pray for that baby. Pray for God to mold us, to ready us, to guide us into a deeper love with each other, so we can reveal His Truth in our marriage & be parents that direct our children's eyes to His Love!
In a nutshell, that's where we are with this. Still in Phase Two. Still talking about it all the time, & dreaming of what it would be like. Still researching different agencies. Talking about the pros & cons of purchasing a home now, or waiting another year. A lot is still up in the air, & I cannot tell you when those things floating up in air, will be grounded.
I cannot wait for the day that we get to share Phase Three!! But for now, I will be all here. Right where I am. Resting & trusting that Jesus will provide answers & direction for this. I wouldn't want to do it without His map.
Jehovah-Jireh.
Hope you enjoyed that watered down OJ & a bit of my heart.
Today's waiting....
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