Full of praise, with a broken heart.

It has been about five months since I last updated.... and, embarrassingly enough, I think about blog ideas ALL the time!
A topic hits me, and I begin to type it out in my head. I'll even think of funny lines, clever analogies to describe life situations, witty remarks, & it never makes it past just that.

So much has happened since my last post recapping the birth of our precious son. That little gift currently sits up, laughs, says "Ma-ma-ma-MAMMA", is testing out solid foods, sleeps with me every night (working on breaking that), gets upset if you take away a toy, still eats Mom-Milk every 2-3 hours, has yet to ever get sick, usually just takes a shower with Mom or Dad, woes every person he encounters, only sleeps 2-3 hours at time (probably why my AMAZING blog ideas never leave my own head....), and he is pulling mine and Josh's heart strings more and more. All the time. We are captivated by this little man. Asher Bryant is a gift. I love being his Ma-ma-ma-MAMMA.

About a month ago, a good buddy of Josh's from law school told Josh of a job opportunity in Chattanooga, Tennessee. We kept this between us, as so many great opportunities had fallen through and we didn't want to have to go through announcing the job didn't happen. Again.  Rejection really takes a toll on a person. I adore the strength and humbleness my husband has gained through this process. It was far from easy. 

Low and behold. This one happened! Josh was offered an incredible job at a law firm, and was asked to be there ASAP.  So, with a two day noticed, we packed up our house and left Allen, Texas.  I have always loved moving. Just picking up and going with no real plan except a destination point. I once got a job in Colorado and left the following week. Spontaneous adventure is in my blood! 

You would have thought we were two kids running from Christmas Eve to Christmas morning! We did not hesitate or even bat an eye. We didn't have hour long conversations about the opportunity, discussing pros and cons. Our hearts were so in synch, and we ran full speed at this opportunity, with hearts FULL of praise.

You see, the past months we have felt underwater, drowning, and fighting for breaths of fresh air. When those fresh breaths would come, we would relish in them... talk about them for days, absolutely bask in them.  His hurts were mine. Mine were his.  God has used our past year of pain to intertwine us in a way that cannot be shaken.  I pray we are always humbled by it.  I pray we are empathetic and compassionate in the most brilliant of ways.  May our desperation to serve God, connect with his people, and relate deeply never be shaken.  I pray we always are able to tap into the real pain we  felt this past year in order to love on others, to feel them, to hear their hearts cry for help.

We arrived in Tennessee with no home to unpack to.  We stayed with Josh's friends the first two days, looking online at rent houses trying to make a decision. With the help of a locator we found a dream location, and a pretty cute little home! We live in downtown, about a mile from Josh's work, coffee shops, a local grocery store, running trails, mountains, and the list goes on!  Praise God because the Uhaul was hundreds of dollars for every hour it was overdo!  We moved in that Monday night with the help of some guys from a local church that we are diving into.  We felt so loved! By God AND his people!

Four days into being here, my Gremommy back in Abilene, Texas was not doing well.  So, Asher and I got on an immediate flight back to Texas to be with her in those final days.  We got there in perfect timing.  She was still opening her eyes and recognizing all of us.  She held Asher's foot, and my hand. She told me she would miss me, and every day... I am missing her. My heart is aching and broken over our loss and Heaven's gain.  We talked every week when I was pregnant with Asher and have been pen pals for the past four years.  It still seems pretty surreal that she is no longer a phone call of advice away.  I have dreamed of her several times since her funeral... and all dreams she is young and full of energy.  She was an amazing woman.  I know every person in our family strives to be a reflection of her, who was a BOLD reflection of Jesus.

On our travels back to Tennessee, Asher and I got stuck in an airport for over 15 hours.  It was pure misery and I am not sure I have ever felt so drained.  Emotionally and physically.  My heart was broken and this drained all energy I had left.  Josh's mom came for five days to keep me company and help with Asher so I could unpack the house.  I am very grateful she was able to just drop her week and come!  There is a lot left to unpack, organize, and store away.... and I am learning to just be okay with this taking longer than my over-optimistic self plans for.  

To be quite honest, I figured a new job with financial security would bring us so much peace.  I figured life would finally slow down in our world of 100 MPH.  I think the lesson here is the peace for my soul comes in Jesus name. Peace is feeling His presence in a new town, a new home, and no friends to call and ask to come watch my baby so I can have alone time.  Peace is hearing His Truth as the lies of "Your house is still a mess; you can do better than this Kellye. Josh deserves a clean, perfect house, with meals throughout the day. Homemade meals.". Those lies are loud and are hard to silence.  God is my comfort-- not the comfort of knowing my way around a town.  He can hear my heart mourning the death of my Gremommy far better than some familiar street name.  My strength is not how much I can do in one day on three hours of sleep.

The past two weeks have been some of the most emotional weeks my person has ever walked through. Leaving behind family was hard. I love being close to my Momma. I love the furthest distance of family being only five hours. There is such safety in that.  My heart really did ache to leave.  And, the passing of my Gremommy, one of my closest friends absolutely broke my heart. She has always been so dear to me. Even right now, I keep typing out sentences and backspacing, with tears streaming, because I cannot put the right words together to convey how dear she truly is.

What I am really learning is in every season He is still God.  I really do have a reason to sing, to worship, to pray.  And within every season, there will be some heartache and tough times... It's life. It's inconsistent and bittersweet. But the God is serve, the God I love, the God my heart yearns for IS consistent. Is sweet. Is love. Is understanding. He is.  Because He is, I know I can.