I am currently sitting in the hustle and bustle of Whole Foods-- drinking some local coffee, journaling, reading blogs, & a little bit of pinteresting. (Yes, that can be a verb.) Much to my surprise, and perhaps yours, I am blogging twice in ONE week! Boom!
I love being a wife. I love all that it entails to cook homemade meals: searching out a recipe, shopping for the ingredients, combining them at home, putting the dish into a serving bowl, setting the table, and serving my husband in that! Every meal I will sit... and I will wait.... and wait... for the affirmation Josh gives on liking/loving the meal. Lucky for me, I have a husband who will devour anything healthy. If I have a pitch on why it's good for him, he is sold and will eat it up! The whole dish. Leftovers rarely happen in our house. And, I am grateful!
The problem here is.... I am really struggling with that waiting on his affirmation. Not just his affirmation, but I want him to say "Thank you! Best meal ever! Wow, honey you outdid yourself this time!" Every time.
Today I took the time to pray, journal, and read God's Good Word(s). I wanted to seek out what it is to really serve. To love my husband and honor him by what I do at home, in preparation for his arrival.
Am I looking up recipes, shopping for ingredients, and putting together tedious meals just for HIS approval, for his admiration? Doing laundry, cleaning the house, paying bills, & baking desserts to take to small group JUST so my husband will tell me, "Good job, Kell! You are AMAZING."
I think so.
In my heart of hearts I know I struggle with wanting him to compliment everything I do. And by golly, those compliments better be excessive and heart felt or I will be dissatisfied.
How ugly. How incredibly ugly of me!
Editor's (me) note: All of this is not to say my husband never compliments or adores my work! It is quite the contrary. He is my biggest fan, and I never doubt it. He thinks my "art work" is worthy of being sold, my singing voice is lovely, & that I am an amazing athlete.... Haha! I am just struggling with doing all my "chores" with the wrong heart/mindset. I want to serve my husband as an outpour of my genuine love... not for the prize of his applaud. I want to serve because I simply LOVE loving!
While I do believe it is okay for us as humans to need encouragement, to thrive on being built up... I also think there is beauty in doing good because you love. Simply love.
I want to make a meal for my husband, wash his clothes, make his side of the bed, and compliment him because I LOVE him, because I adore him!
If Jesus himself were to come stay at our house for a week, I think I would want to serve Him as I do my husband.... and never, never, never be offended if He doesn't say "thanks." If Jesus offered to do the dishes, I would absolutely NOT allow! (Unless he was able to do some supernatural, super quick wash. Then yes, sure.)
Why? Because I honor Jesus. I respect His work. I trust and know His days are full of serving others. I would want to treat Him as the King He absolutely is! I would want Him to feel so honored, loved, adored, respected in my kitchen!
Not that I want Josh to become my God.... But, I do want my husband to feel like a king in his household. I want him to feel honored by my love of service. I want him to FEEL respected by the diligent work I put into our house. I want him to never feel guilty when he lays his head down because he thinks he didn't do enough for me. I trust he is working so hard every day. I know my husband is always being intentional in the work he does. I want him to come home and feel like he can let down, not feel judged by me, and enter into a place drenched in God's peace.
I will not be perfect in this. But, I will try. I will dive into the role as "wife" with complete seriousness. I am honored to be Joshua Tilford's wife. I am so glad he chose me. So blessed that God put us kindred spirits together. I will strive to honor our God in how I honor my husband.
"...I urge to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:1
"...fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control." Galations 5:22
"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation." Philippians 2:14
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." Colossians 3:25
May the pure Love of Jesus reign in my heart, in my marriage, in my actions, and in my heart of hearts.
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