Matchy-Mom speaks death

Today Asher & I ventured to the Creative Discovery Museum with one of his BFF's, Stella, & her mom, Megan.  Lately, I just want to stay at home…. but, I know getting Asher out of our house, if even for a few hours, fulfills him-- thus, keeps me sane come 7 o'clock. 
I am just exhausted these days. A lot. Always.

(((And, can I just say how wonderful it is to have a friend willing to get out of the house, too? I truly appreciated the text I woke up to from Megan saying, "our day is wide open! what about yours?". Thank YOU.  I would have been just fine sitting in our pajamas watching silly shows & eating spoonfuls of peanut butter, all while kicking myself for not getting Asher out & about.)))

All of the above really has nothing to do with what I have been typing up in my head, wanting to share/get out… just wanted to give you, my reader friend, some background as to where the following conversation took place.

Stella & Megan left before us to get her home for a nap. So it was just Asher & me digging for dinosaur bones, pouring sand on stranger's feet, & showering all little friends with sand carelessly tossed into the air. 
By "Asher & me" I totally mean, I just sat there watching all of this take place. Yeah, I was that Mom. Be kind with your judgement. Remember, I am just exhausted these days. A lot. Always.
(I did tell him to stop putting sand on the Mom's feet, for what it's worth.)

So, as I am just sitting there watching, with glassy eyes, all these future paleontologists throw sand & eat sand this cute Mom sits down next to me, helps her little guy get his shoes off, & then takes out her adorably dressed little girl from the stroller to let them join in the madness. They all matched. I don't know what the style is, but it comes across as, "we are really put together & have enough time & money to all dress the same!" 
(I say this not with a condescending or envious tone, but with an honest take-away of what that style reminds me of.  They all looked beautiful, truly.)

Matchy-Mom strikes up conversation by pointing to my belly & asking how far along I am. We go down the list of questions, "which kid is yours?", "how many months apart are they?", "how old is he?"….. etc. We both have little boys with a little sister. Her children are about 15 months apart. Asher & Saige will be 26 months apart. 

Then, Matchy-Mom changes her whole demeanor. She focuses her eyes in on me like a hawk who just found prey for the first time in days. I swear her stare grabbed me more forcibly than her hands ever could…. And, she says,
"Your life will never be the same when that baby girl gets here. Never. And you will wonder what the hell you were thinking. You cannot imagine how hard this will be." 

I just kind of laughed…. shocked by the intensity of what she chose to tell me & said, "I'm sure that's true." 
(((I kind of wanted to tell her about the non-profit I work for that caters to Mothers who would give anything to match or not match all of their kids playing in a giant sandbox, here on Earth. But, I refrained.)))

She carried on for a good couple of minutes, with a stone cold face, 
"You think it was hard with one? Just you wait."

Luckily, Asher's dream of paleontology was up & he was running towards the bug display. 
I scooped up all of our stuff & knew I wanted to leave Matchy-Mom with some sweet words to ice her burnt cake, "Well, you & your children are beautiful. I would never guess by looking that it isn't anything but. You're doing it, Mom! You got you & your kids dressed & to the museum today. Good job!" 
There was so much more I wanted to say & ask. But asking, "how's your marriage?" to a stranger didn't seem appropriate. And, "well, do you have close friends who text you early in the morning to do life with?" seemed kind of cold, too. There wasn't time or relational capacity for those questions, especially since my son was getting in a family's photo in this quick exchange of parting words.

Ever since my little date with Matchy-Mom I cannot stop feeling the grating feeling of her words. 

I remember when Asher was born & realizing there was nothing anyone could have told me to convey how challenging, sacrificial, intense, & hard parenthood would be. And, in that same heartbeat, nobody could ever properly articulate the love I would feel for our precious baby boy. It's a love so deep, it makes you ache just thinking about it. I truly cannot express how much I feel for our son… how much I LOVE being his Mommy & doing all of this next to a man who fills, beautifully, the shoes of Daddy. 

I appreciate when people are honest. Who doesn't? 
But, more so, I appreciate a person who knows the challenge it will be & is encouraging, inspiring, & helpful with their words. 

There is a time & place to be blunt & downright ugly with people you love-- that too is part of real friendship. Jesus stepped on people's toes ALL the time. Onetime a friend told me, "you are sarcastic all the time & it really hurts people's feelings." I was so embarrassed & defensive… but, ultimately, I was so grateful she had the courage to tell me something hard to hear/hard to say.

Of all the things Matchy-Mom could have shared with me in our brief time together, she chose to speak words of death instead of life. 

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." 

Proverbs 18:21

I don't judge her. Just like I really don't judge their matchy-outfits.

Who knows what her home life is like. Perhaps she is going through a divorce, or she lost her best friend, or has no church family, or her Mom is on her deathbed, or maybe her husband works 80+ hour weeks & she has no help under their roof…. So, this isn't a rant about Matchy-Mom & her lack of tact. I love her & pray that she gets into a rhythm of Motherhood that makes her heart swell with joy, opposed to leaking with obvious resentment. 

It was a reminder for me to really ask myself, "is what I share with others, be it brief talks or hours of conversation over coffee, life-giving or death?"  Not just about all things mothering, but about being a wife, a woman, a friend, a daughter, a human doing this complicated life. 

We are going through Ecclesiastes in church right now & Sunday's sermon touched on the part where King Solomon, the wisest man, said to let your words be few. 

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few."

Ecclesiastes 5:2

I am a talker, a verbal processor, a rambler… (I'm sure you can tell with the length of my blogs & run-on thoughts throughout them.).  Ask me a question about anything I can probably write you a book. 

After Sunday's sermon & today's encounter with Matchy-Mom, I feel God stirring my heart with His words, wisdom, & love-- "Few. Let your words be few, Kellye. Share Me. People may devour your words, but what they need is Me. Feed them."  

Our words are so powerful. We can build others up or we can tear them down. I think women especially know the power they hold in their tongues… to the face of another, or behind the back of another. 

We either represent the exquisite beauty of Heaven with our words, or share the boiling heat of Hell. 

So, I encourage you, dear reader-- 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Ephesians 4:29

And really, words of encouragement opposed to words of hate can be harder to hand out. I am the queen of justifying why I said something I said, especially if it's ugly. 

So, it's a heart matter. You know?  What you say/think about someone or to someone reveals, HUGELY, where your heart is. 

There's the saying-- "What Mary says about Martha says more about Mary than it does about Martha.". So true. 

One of my all-time favorite verses & songs to sing: 

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Psalm 51:10

May my heart be pure... leading to words that glorify Jesus; therefore, words that bring life to those around me.

May yours, too. 

Death, chaos, sin, pain, toil, & darkness drench this world-- we all could use a lot more light in the midst of it. 

So, speak sweetly. 

growing saige malyn

Yesterday we reached 28 weeks of growing our baby girl, Saige Malyn! That's the third trimester door swinging open…wahoo! (And, I say "we" because while I am physically carrying this girl, my husband is amazing at being my support emotionally & spiritually through this. Keeping me healthy keeps her healthy, you know? So, he is totally carrying this baby, too. I am so grateful & constantly blown away by his graciousness for my mood swings, tears, & irrationality. Go, husband!)

Back in November we started talking about trying for baby number two. Beginning of January, God blessed our desires & began knitting together our little girl. (Tears are now streaming just typing that out. How amazing.) I took a test at the beginning of February, just knowing I was pregnant, & it was negative.  I waited two more weeks & took another, & on Valentine's Day the test came out positive!! I gave it to Josh as his gift (we never do gifts on Valentine's Day).  I mean, who doesn't love a stick with pee on it for Valentine's Day? Sounds super personal, vulnerable, & special to me. 

We basked in this wonderful news. Cried, laughed, & hugged a lot! Then sent this out to our family: 

(I know. Not super cute or anything, but I am terrible with secrets & wanted to share ASAP.)

From the very start, everything with this pregnancy is just night & day than it was with Asher's. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. We were definitely excited when we found out about being pregnant with Ash; but, we were newlyweds, who had met 8 months prior, in-between jobs, & living in an RV that was falling apart.  Pregnancy sickness & depression owned me.

  This time… every moment has just been pure joy & excitement. There isn't fear, doubt, or regret seeping in all parts.  Don't get me wrong-- I feel SO blessed to of grown our son. I am SO, so, so, so utterly blessed by the precious gift he is absolutely is. His name means "happy blessing" because we knew from day one he was/is & spoke that over him.  It was just hard. And scary. And felt extremely lonely. And. It's okay for me to say that. 

That being said, I am loving loving this pregnancy.  Sickness has not been consuming, depression has not been an issue, loneliness is far away, & my husband & I actually have a foundation under us/between us that is such strength in the challenge of it. It's not that we weren't a team during Asher's pregnancy & birth, it was that we were still getting to know each other-- the little things… like, how he does the dishes, what "rest" is to one another, sex, morning routines, finances, how to be gracious in bad moments, etc.  Even thinking back to those days & some very ugly moments, my stomach sinks & tears sting my eyes… it was all so overwhelming. 

Back to Saige, since this post is about her. I guess I am just really wanting to highlight that just because one pregnancy is really hard & feels defeating, it doesn't mean all of your pregnancies are doomed to be that way! And. Well. If they are… God is good in that. That sounds cliche. But, oh how true it is. Asher Bryant is not a reflection AT ALL of how hard those months were. At all. He is anything but.  He makes beautiful things, yeah? He does.

Another fun factor during this pregnancy has been SO many of my friends are also growing babes!  I literally lost count when there were more than 15.

Here are two of the lovelies who are baby-growing. My "twin-in-law" & sister-in-law, who are both a month ahead of me. (Yes, their due dates are days apart. No, it wasn't planned. Yes, it is SO exciting!) 

It has been fun sharing pregnancies woes, struggles, & laughs with all the friends that are pregnant. I cannot wait to meet all of these sweet growing gifts! It's just encouraging. This has helped SO much with the loneliness factor that felt unbearable last time around. 

 Sharing these months of growing a baby with so many friends has truly been one of my favorite parts-- so, thanks to all of you who have been sharing in that. (((In fact, one friend birthed a baby just a few hours ago! Baby Flynn, you have been prayed for SO much!!!)))

Another exciting part was finding out baby growing is a little GIRL! 

We had decided boy or girl the name would be Sage/Saige. Sage means "wise one"-- what a powerful thing to speak over & pray over your child & call out of them!  

Her aunt's names are Samantha Lynn, Tara Marie, & Maggie Lynn. So, put all those middle names together & you get Malyn. (Pronounced MAH-lin. Not MAL-in.) These three women are some of my favorites on this entire planet, with hearts passionate about Jesus. Who better to name her after than women chasing, loving, serving, & honoring God? 

The name "Malyn" means "little warrior" which is neat because the name "Kelly" means "brave warrior." Our wise, little warrior. :) 

My Mom & Grandmother came to visit last week & my mom bought me a sewing machine so I could begin making little dresses for Saige. My Mom made all her own clothes growing up & made some for me, as well.  She is an amazing seamstress & I loved learning some basics! Fabric & patterns are way expensive. Truly just makes more sense to buy clothes at Target. SO, I am bound & determined to make her clothes out of scraps I find-- from thrift stores, antique shops, or from clothes we no longer wear. We shall see!  It's been addicting so far looking up ideas & spending hours behind my little machine. :) 

Besides the gift of pregnancy & feeling well throughout it has been the gift of remaining active-- or, the desire to!  We spend time out on the trails, walking around town, going to the gym, & some exercising at home-- all things I rarely never did with Ash. There was no motivation or desire. I hated not running because it's always been an outlet, but there was no….desire (aka, depression). SO! I have LOVED remaining pretty active. No doubt that is better for labor & pregnancy overall. 

(At our first appointment with Michelle Ray; Asher listening to Saige's strong heartbeat.) 

Another gift has been the midwife we have found here in Chattanooga (well, she actually lives on a farm in Georgia, about 25 minutes from us. how epic is that?!). Our birth team with Asher was a dream. To go through something SO personal, it's hard to imagine doing it with anyone other than those ladies! It was so special.  

BUT, we have found someone who is filling those large shoes beautifully.  Not only is she caring for us throughout this pregnancy, but there is a light in this woman that inspires me to give, give, & give some more, in the name of Jesus' strength, joy, & love. She hasn't been dealt the easiest hand, but you would never know that upon meeting her. Joy & strength ooze out of her every word. Truly, a woman being the hands & feet of Jesus. Josh & I are SO grateful to of found her! 

So, in a super-jam-packed-rambly-too much-not enough nutshell- that is where we are in the life of our Saige girl. 

Blessed. Humbled. Grateful. Excited. Eager. 

Saige Malyn, you rarely stop moving. You are already a constant reminder that God is at work, doing mighty & beautiful & powerful things.  We are so thrilled to call you our daughter & cannot wait to hold you, kiss you, hear your cries, smell you, & see the handprints of our God covering you. You are so loved.