mom said, allow days like this.

Look at me, blogging like it's my day job!

It has been quite some time since a day like today came along.   Today's day is long, uninspiring, dull, & just a day where every small task seems like a HUGE chore.  I drudge through days like this.  However, the further into mommyhood I go, the rarity of these days.  (It is a huge transition from just taking care of yourself & husband to a baby who HAS TO have you.  Do not EVER underestimate this transition. Give grace. Take grace. Be grace to those Mommies. Perhaps offer to hold their baby for an hour so they can take a shower or nap. Really. One hour. Do it.  If they say no, ask 10 more times.)

But today, she snuck up on me & robbed me of any productivity.
Who am I kidding... It's is not the day's fault, as if she is some living, breathing entity.  My tired & weary person is robbing myself of today.

Sigh.  I am tired to the core. Hence the "staycation" we have going on.  Both of us are just... worn down.

Do not get me wrong... I have laughed, played, & cared for my little boy to the best of my ability.  I really do make the mental, physical, & emotional effort to still pour my soul into him even when the day my spirit is dragging along.

Today Ash & I walked to what Josh & I call "the circuit."  It has stations with chin up bars, jumping boxes, rings, parallel bars, etc. to work out on, & a grassy area in the middle that I thought Ash would enjoy.  He did. And I loved being a part of his pure & simple joy.  He does this thing that tugs at my heart like none other.  When walking up or down something he is unfamiliar with, a hill or odd shaped stairs, without looking he will reach his little hands up, searching for my hands to guide him, & then clings on as tightly as he can, trusting that my hands will guide his feeble & unsure steps.  I tear up every single time.  I love that boy.  I love being his Mama.  I love those sweet, dirty little hands reaching up for mine... trusting they will be there.

So, despite the weight that has haunted me all day, there have been definite moments that tasted like my Granny's pecan pie (the BEST pie.).  Not kidding.  My life is truly so, so sweet.

Sometimes it is just hard to be motivated, especially when it is for the redundant, day to day occurrences.  It is hard to day in & day out find the energy to redo what I did just one, two days ago-- washing clothes, folding clothes, washing dishes, putting away dishes, organizing things Asher unorganized, making dinner, cleaning up dinner, grocery shopping... I am so blessed. so blessed. to call this my life.  I hope you hear my underlying joy that my heart really does proclaim.  But. There are days that it is just... blah.  

I did not get many "chores" done today.  The sink is full. Dinner is not prepared.  There is a load in the wash! But. Just sitting there. in the wash. Recycle is sitting in the corner, staring at me. My floors are not swept.  Oh, the bed is made!

Today is not 100% unsuccessful... I got to love my little boy. hold him. feed him. change him. laugh with him, & at him.  sing to him. read to him.  watch him explore.  soothe him.  tell him "no" & "great job!".

Which... if I had to weigh both of those lists: Asher > House.

My mom told me, "those dishes will be there tomorrow, but your kids will not always be."  (Says the woman who somehow ALWAYS has a clean, sparkling sink, dinner made, leftovers for tomorrow, baked goods, clean sheets on every bed, & make up on.)
Ah. Some day.... But. Not today... and, that is OKAY.