obsessed with movement

It has been brought to my attention that I am behind in this little blogging world.... annnd, if we had internet at our house, this just wouldn't be the case. So, I am now opening the door for donations to turn on internet at the Tilford house. Kidding.....  it's probably good I am not able to be online reading blogs, googling random things, and watching inspirational youtube videos for hours.... :]

  The past month has been another month of obstacles and very, very, very sweet moments.  The whole "morning" sickness thing continued to overrun my days; thus making work impossible.... I was released of my position and have began making my own schedule, taking clients when I can at home.  So many people told me that the sickness, nausea, headaches, absurd appetite, and fatigue would lessen dramatically in the second trimester.  This just has not been the case.
     Days are definitely proving better-- I even started jogging/walking, mowing the lawn, and cooking again!  To be completely honest, it has been one of the greatest challenges I have faced... For years running has been my outlet to any hard situation. A scape for worship, meditation, release, and just MY own. All of a sudden this outlet is taken and unattainable.  It has not been my choice to quit running for the sake of pregnancy-- pregnancy has made running unavailable.  Perhaps this is very vain, and very selfish of me to yearn for this ability to quickly be reestablished.  Perhaps I am just an individual passionate about something I am unable to touch, and it is just hard. And, that's okay.

  Along with the absolute glory of beginning to feel MUCH better and eat real meals, Baby T is beginning to move about!  I am OBSESSED with these moments.  He/She usually begins to really move in the early morning, and some days I can actually SEE this babe move about!  Today marks 24 weeks, and 2 days!

  Earlier this  month Joshua and I decided that we do not want to find out the sex of our baby. I was praying for our baby one morning and reading through my natural child-birthing book, and just felt SO inspired to NOT find out.  Josh and I have done everything so quickly, it just seems fitting to let this be and not rush into knowing.  Josh completely heard my heart on this and agreed it would be magical to wait, and let God knit our baby, trusting Him that either boy or girl, this is our gift.

  This past month we threw a fundraiser for Epiphany DanceArts, a local, non-profit dance company drenched in amazing talent.  This consumed our nights together, mornings, and pretty much all conversations in-between.  It was an honor to work for all these talented dancers, with SUCH genuine hearts; and a complete joy to dive into a bit of ministry alongside my husband.  Josh and I have dreams that look nothing like our lifestyle now.... doing this fundraiser, I think, was a small, realistic trial at what our dream life would be like.  We both think very differently, which is our greatest strength and greatest weakness when working together.  I really think we are learning to magnify our strength in this, opposed to letting our differences be a weakness. Tis' marriage? Yeah? :]

  To be very frank, my heart has been so weary at times this past month, felt lonely, felt discouraged, and been cynical at times. There is a lot on our plates right now, and due to pregnancy sickness, I have felt so handicapped at really tackling all these seemingly impossible to manage tasks.  Along with this I have never felt more supported and loved by our family.  It seems as though with every big, bad, ugly thing that has happened, fifteen blessings have been poured over us.  It's as if the hardship can whisper to my heart, really hurting it; and then goodness chimes in with the sweetest melody that reaps peace in my heart.  That chiming little melody is sweeter, bolder, and always more giving to my soul.

  I have never yearned more to know God than I do now.  I long to really know our God, to know his face, his touch, his voice, his laugh.  I want tangible.  I want to feel embraced by God himself.  I want to see doors open and stay opened for my husband.  To yearn for God, really yearn, results in desperate, intimate, raw, and the sweetest worship.  I do not doubt that God works all together for the good of those who love Him, those who truly seek him.... I know we will be met in the midst of this storm. And, so as long as it is storming may we be dancing, shouting, praising, and revived daily by God's Spirit of joy and strength. May we be compassionate and empathize with those who hurt in the midst of trials far harder than our own. May we rejoice with those who are rejoicing. I pray so much we  seek Him, find Him, gain wisdom, hope, and be flooded with hearts full of faith!

  Baby.  Sickness.  Husband. Love. Job-loss. Weariness. Support. Family. God. Ministry. Movement.

So, so, so very blessed.