12:39 pm
October 10, 2014
8 perfect pounds & a sweet 12 ounces
21.5 inches long
Our beauty. Our girl, Saige Malyn Tilford.
The story of her arrival begins on Thursday, October 9.
Around 5:30 pm I started having light contractions that I chalked up as the ever so annoying Braxton Hicks. We have Community Group on Thursday's, so we decided to go ahead & go even with these light contractions coming, inconsistently, every 7-10 minutes.
That night at CG we were doing something a bit different than our normal. Everyone was to share their testimony. So, through contractions, I listened to people that mean a lot to us tell their stories. All stories that started with birth. Each person shared how their parents shaped them in one way or another-- either loved them well, or didn't love them so well. As a parent, I often worry if I am disciplining too harshly or not sharing Jesus enough with my little babes. All these stories had the same Truth that covered every parent failing-- that God's grace is enough. I held back tears hearing each & every story while holding my swollen stomach tightly with each contraction, knowing that this was the beginning of her story… knowing that some day she may sit in a room full of Jesus-loving friends & share about her childhood, her brother, our relationship, where she grew up, the church she loved or hated, & I prayed over her that through all of that that she would know Jesus. Not just his book or quotes or worship songs, but would truly know Him… that HE would be the foundation of her story.
Sweet Saige girl, as we fail you… may you cling tightly to the Rock that is Jesus who will never fail you. May Jesus Christ be the resounding melody of your story. I carried & grew you; but, God… God created you. Trust Him. When everything fails, trust Him.
After leaving group & getting home, these contraction continued at their inconsistent rate. I had texted our lovely midwife, Michelle, to let her know & she encouraged a warm bath, some wine, & sleep. We labored through the night with Asher & I knew how hard that was on the whole team. So, I followed her advice. I woke up all throughout the night to breathe through contractions & sometimes just sway back & forth. I decided not to keep track of them because I knew that would probably just discourage me.
Around 5:30 am, I woke up with the fiercest contraction yet & knew this was game-time! I was SO ready this time around to embrace each & every contraction instead of fighting it with fear & doubt as I did with Asher. I woke up Josh & he began getting everything ready-- moving the car from the back of the house to the front, cleaning up the house, getting my music & playlist going, packing up Asher, texting Michelle, etc. He was amazing.
About 8:30 (I think) our sweet friend Tina came & got Asher. Her & our friend Jennifer tag-teamed taking care of him for that day and night. I cannot begin to express how much this meant to us. Without family nearby, this was one of my biggest stresses leading up to the birth. Having friends who will drop everything to take care of your kiddo means the absolute world. There's some saying that goes like, "true ministry is what happens when it interrupts your plans." OH, how I wholeheartedly agree! We couldn't have pulled this off without our church family. About that same time our midwife showed up.
The contractions at this point were strong & had all of my focus. I remember with Asher just fighting all of it, hating every second of the pain, & truly being paralyzed by the pain. I felt so much more mentally & emotionally prepared to face the pain & move with it this time. So, some contractions were spent with Josh doing hip compressions, some standing over the bathroom sink, some vomiting into a bowl, & some just sitting & swaying. From what I remember, most of them were spent looking like this:
Somewhere during the morning hours the rest of Michelle's birth team showed up. All of these women were just incredible. I was nervous about it because I had not met all of them before, but they showed up as sisters, not strangers. They served & served & served some more. I can remember looking one of them in the eyes through a super painful contraction & felt SUCH an intense connection of motherhood. Her eyes said, "I know. I know it hurts, but you can & you will." Most of the laboring was spent with just Josh & me in our room. Remembering this bring tears to my eyes immediately. It was intimate & beautiful. No doubt every second of laboring together tied our souls even closer together. The experience of life coming into the world is so powerful. Josh was my rock in those hours. Michelle would come in periodically & check on Saige's heart rate & my own. I loved how the birth team, without asking, felt what we needed & gave us that space to labor on our own.
The plan was for a water birth, but when "push came to shove" I just wasn't interested in it. I remember feeling super fatigued & just wanting to lie down. I had been mobil through the contractions up until this point & had resisted the urge to just get in bed. Alas, around 10:30 am I got in bed and labored on my side. My water still had yet to be broken & Michelle just kept saying, "As soon as this water breaks she will be here so quickly!"
Finally. The urge to push came. And, I admit… a little bit of fear began to sneak it's way in. I forgot how bad this pain was. The contractions weren't as shocking the second time & felt manageable. But, that pushing urge & pressure… oh me, it's intense! I'm not sure of the time at this point, but eventually my water broke… and by "broke" I totally mean it bursted across the room. You know how when you're a kid & you fold the water hose in half, let the water build, & then release it… OR when you shake up a soda can & open it… yeah, my water bursted something like that.
Sure enough, after the water erupted volcano style, Saige was eager to enter the world. I pushed for an hour….? Oh golly, pardon my sleepless-newborn-mom brain… I think it was an hour. Michelle & her partner Debbie held my legs, Josh let me clench his hand with all of my being, & Saige began to crown. At some point, Michelle realized she was stuck in the birth canal & in a calm, yet fierce, voice insisted I reposition to my hands & knees. By the grace of God, & help of the team, I moved. Michelle urged me that I needed to push as hard as I could, & I could tell by her voice she wasn't just being encouraging but was telling me this needed to happen sooner than later. I had no idea what was going on, but continued to work with my body & the contractions to get my girl out.
Josh saw her as she came out. Lifeless, blue, & purple. God's mercy poured over that room, His insight over our midwife, & love over our baby girl as she gasped for breath. Apparently her little hand was up under her chin, pinching the cord, & making it hard for her to exit fully. What could have been a serious situation was quickly alleviated by our midwife's quick reaction & wisdom. Had we ended up doing a water birth, this situation would have been super tricky in water. Again, I fully believe God's mercy covered that as I had no desire to labor in the water. (His handprints covers your story, Saige.)
She was handed to me. And this was the first time I held my little love in my arms:
The sweet moments after birth I will treasure forever. God knitted this girl together. He knew her before he began making her. Here I am… holding something God Almighty just pieced perfectly together. I am blessed, forever, for these moments.
Our herbal bath together. (The water is colored from the herbs. And the sweet hands holding Saige are Michelle's.)
Truly. I am the lucky one.
This picture, although fuzzy, is one of my favorites. I love Josh's affection for her. Some day I will tell her about how much he poured into helping bring her earth side. I cannot wait to see their relationship blossom. There is just something so special about Daddy/Daughter relationships… and, she has been given SUCH an amazing Dad who will point her, boldly, to Jesus.
Checking out all her vitals, measurements, etc. & Daddy looking on.
Our 8 lb 12 ounce beauty babe! (We had a friend ask how they weigh the baby at a home birth… And this is how it's done. Old school style) :)
There was SO much different about this birth than Asher's & that made it hard for me to readily accept labor coming. I was nervous about where Asher would go, nervous about using someone other than our birth team with Asher which included my Mom & sister-in-law. I absolutely hated that they would not be there to venture this path with me again. But, thanks to technology, my Mom did get to see her in her first moments. And, I must add… This birth team was exactly who we needed this time around & I am beyond grateful for each hand that was involved. They were marvelous.
Speaking of those fine ladies, here they are! Saints. All of them carry such gentle spirits, yet have such a fierceness about them. What a pleasure to have them be a part of a day so sacred to us.
Later that day, our friends brought Asher over to meet his sister. He was nervous & anxious & handsy & I think a bit confused. He's still settling into his new role… as we all are.
Birthing our girl was more than I could ever imagine, describe, or hope for. She's here. She's healthy & lovely. She seems to have her days & nights confused, so we are getting a ton of time together from 3 am to about 9 am.
New Mamas, let me encourage you… this stage, the stage of sleepless nights, blowouts, colic, & painful nursing passes. This is just a season & in the grand scheme of life, it will be a blink. Embrace it. Be all there. Cry if you need to. Beg God for patience & let him prune you, painful as it may be. He is working in you, for you, & with you to raise your baby. As I type these words, I know I am speaking a lot to myself.
So, this is the beginning of Saige's story. She was born into a home full of love & peace & filled with God's presence. She has been prayed for, earnestly, since knowing she existed. She is loved by friends & family all over the world. She has a Daddy who will move mountains to protect her & will stay up past the sun's setting to softly sing songs about Jesus over her heart. She has a brother who is already defensive of her & also takes seriously the job of lulling her with sweet, nonsensical songs back to sleep (although this rarely works, he tries so hard & it's pure sweetness.).
Team Saige is a big one… full of people helping us adjust in this new way of life, thus loving her. We have had so many meals & gifts brought to our door. Our kitchen table currently looks like I went on a shopping spree to The Container Store with all the containers from meals brought over. My parents & Josh's Mom also made the trek up to Tennessee to help us adjust in these first few days, thus loving her.
You are loved, little light. May you always feel, believe, & relish in the truth that you are so loved.
